I’m feeling a little tired lately. Like I’m not getting enough free time and or sleep for all that I’m having to do while I’m awake. Before I go any further please understand that I’m not complaining about how much design work I’m doing as a freelancer. I consider it to be more fun than work. Moving on…

You might notice that most of my tweets occur after noon central time and they usually say something along the lines of “I just woke up…” I’m not going to lie, 4 out of 7 days I don’t wake up before 11am so my day doesn’t start until about noon. To some that may make me look lazy but that’s definitely not the case. I hardly ever get more than 8 hours or sleep. If you’re any good at math then you’ll know that means I don’t go to sleep before 3 am most nights mornings. I’m not sure when this came about but I work best during the night hours.

So assuming I get the average amount of sleep every night let’s move on to what my weeks look like:

Mondays: up at 6am, leave the house by 7:15, class from 8-10:30, home by 11, work for CC until about 3:30 when Neil gets home, spend time with him until he goes to work, leave house by 5:20, class from 6-9, weekly Walmart  trip after class, home around 10:30 (my mom is already at the house. she visits once a week), spend time with mom and Neil before they both go to bed, work on designs until about 1am.

Tuesdays: awake around 9am, most of the day doesn’t have a time line but we usually do the following: take a walk, shower, get ready, run ten thousand errands, study, work on designs or study, cook an elaborate dinner, watch a movie, get my hardcore study on, bed by 10pm.

Wednesdays: up at 6am, leave the house by 7:15, class from 8-10:30, stop at home to let the dogs out and grab a quick bit to eat, leave by 11:30, work at CC’s from 12-5, church (fellowship dinner, handbell choir practice, and church choir practice) from 5:30-8, go out with friends, at parents house by 10, work for CC until about 2am, sleep.

Thursdays: up by 9 or 10am, meetings and or appointments from 10:30-2:30, home by 3, laundry, pick up house from when Neil was by himself for more than a day, cook dinner, study, work on designs until about 2 or 3am.

Fridays: up by 11 or 12, work for CC until Neil get’s home around 2, spend time with him until he goes to work, work for CC until about 7pm, work on designs until Neil get home from work around 11pm, catch up on our DVR, work on designs, bed by 2 or 3am.

Saturdays: up by 10 or 11, clean the house, work on designs, bed by midnight.

Sundays: up by 8, leave the house by 9:15, church from 10-11:15,  spend time with family, back to Eddyville by 5, study, bed by 10pm.

Repeat.

Of course I have the daily tasks like bill paying and exercising and eating and whatever else normal people do everyday. A husband and two dogs to constantly take care of. Nursing school that demands a lot more time than any other college course ever would.

And then of course the main reason why I wrote this blog in the first place: the 15 phone conversations with my boss and at least one phone conference with clients a day. Working with IRL (real life) people in this industry is beginning to take a toll and I’m wondering if taking my passion of web design and turning it into a full time job was a mistake. I was having fun just designing a hand full of blogs a month and working like a every other person in an outside job. I’m beginning to miss it.

I’ve applied for a pharmacy technician position at a nearby CVS and if I get it I think I’ll go back to just designing for blogs and not IRL people. I don’t know if it will come to that; all I know is that I don’t want to get burnt out on my life as it is right now, as a designer. I love it too much to start hating it.

While I was looking through my archives, researching for this entry, I realized I didn’t make any resolutions for 2009. Not that I would have stuck with them because man, 2009 was a doozie, am I right?

Many people aren’t making resolutions this year for one reason or another but being the to-do list loving fool that I am it’s something that I actually look forward to. Some are more detailed than others and are in no particular order, so here we go!

1. Increase our income. We are not making enough to support the very minimal lifestyle that we have right now and we should be. Neil has already secured a better job and I’m going to have to either work more hours at my current job or get a second part time job. I’d like to become location independent so I’d much rather just get more freelance work. Interested?
2. Manage our finances better. The money that we do have is not managed well. I blame this mostly on me because even though Neil is just as bad (if not worse) about spending our money unwisely, I sometimes forget to tell him what bills still need to be paid, etc. I am not going to turn over bill payment to him because being the accountant in the family I sort of enjoy it, but he does need to be more in the know. He sees the money that we have in our checking account and forgets that most of that money is reserved. Other than that, we both need to just CHILL OUT on spending money on unnecessary things. Period.
3. Do well in school. And not just well, awesome. I need to make awesome grades in nursing school in order to get into a good masters program. But even before that, I need to graduate as an RN so Neil and I can get on with our lives. I should have been a nurse 2 years ago.
4. Lose weight. Dang it if this isn’t everyone’s resolution. To some it’s more important but I’ve let mine go on way too long. I lost the weight in 4 months for my wedding and as soon as we landed from our honeymoon I started back with the same bad habits. It was never so much about what I ate. I have a very balanced diet but I stopped working out. I stopped and never started again. I stopped working out and started gaining weight. I saw it happening and didn’t do a thing about it. Two and a half years down the road and I am 30   pounds heavier and I am ashamed of myself. It’s going to change this year. I am going to lose 25 pounds before May. I am going to look good in that bathing suit when my family goes to Destin. I am going to feel good about how I look again.
5. Manage my depression. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety November 2006. I’ve taken meds for it off and on for three years and ever single time I go off my medicine I am reminded of why I need to be medicated and why I should never go off the meds again. And then months down the road I do the same thing to myself. Why? Because I’m stupid and I think I’m going to change and just magically be healed. Well I guess this ones on me. Once our finances are back in order and we have the money to get health insurance again I am going to get back on my meds and never look back. It’s ridiculous how many things in my life are ruled by my emotional stability.
6. Keep my house clean. I’ve been slacking a lot. Like, gross. I know it has everything to do with the fact that I’m off my meds but once I’m medicated and good to go I have GOT to be on top of this house keeping biz. It really sucks when my mother comes up here to spend time with me and all she does the whole time  is nag and complain about the house not being clean and then cleaning it to her liking. I WANT to have a nice clean house. I really do. My house just doesn’t reflect that.
7. And finally, stop procrastinating. Every single resolution I’ve listed thus far all comes down to the fact that I’m a HUGE procrastinator. Doesn’t matter what it is, big or small, I will procrastinate. I might not be able to change that about me completely but I can certainly try to make sure it doesn’t clutter and mess up my life like I has been for these past few years.

If I want to be as successful and happy as I’ve always dreamed I would be then those resolutions have to kick in and what’s more, be kept. Not just for 2010, but for the rest of my life. How long does it take for something to become a habit? Five weeks? Well, those 5 weeks are starting now.

…for the second time!

Tonight I drove to Emily’s to spend time with her sister Jeannie before Neil and I leave for Louisville tomorrow morning…and before she leaves me forever. OK, not forever. She’s going away to college in Maine and I won’t see her for several months. Sure I’ve gone as long without seeing her before but if there was a time that we ever NEEDED to see each we were always only a few hours away. Not 22 hours. Twenty two hours is a hella long time to drive. But. I would do it for her. Of course, like I joked tonight, knowing how fast I drive it would only take me 6 hours. Heh.

Anyway, the point of this post….

I JUST got home and Neil and I had this conversation:

Neil: Mom just called. Kelly’s water just broke.

me: WHAT?!? Like, when? Like JUST THEN? *points to his phone*

Neil: I don’t know, she didn’t say. She just called to say that her water broke and they’ve taken her to the hospital. They’re probably going induce her in the morning.

me: So….should we go now or….

Neil: Mom said that if we starts active labor she’ll call us and we can leave then. If not tho we’ll just go in the morning.

me: Shit! *in a good way* So we can’t go to Louisville…*question mark*

Neil: NO! (Neil really wants to go to Louisville!) We’ll just leave after we see the baby.

me: Oh, ok…..but won’t we want to stay for a while? I mean….I wanna see Megan and Bryan but this is our niece/nephew!

Neil: We’ll just do whatever.

So you hear that guys? We’re going to just do whatever. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? When my brother got together with his wife Amanda, Hannah (my niece) was already 6 months old. She turns 7 on Saturday. So even if I had been in Hannah’s life when she was a baby it was a while ago. How do I do this aunt thing? I mean, it’s not MY sister having the child but Kelly and I aren’t as close as I’d like to be and…..Ugh. HALP!

I like kids. I like babies. But I’m not overly excited about them unless I’m related to them. I KNOW I want to be a mother. You all know that. At any given moment I’m like two seconds from dragging my husband into the bedroom and not just because I want to have sex. Yea, Neil and I and sex, good stuff. TMI? Naw. We’re married. It’s cool. I am ready to have a baby in every single way possible. All except for financially but really, who is ever financially ready for something like a child? Did you know that during the first year of having a baby you will spend roughly 18 million dollars on diapers? Eighteen MILLION. ON DIAPERS. Roughly. You didn’t know you even made that much in a year did you? Well, ya do.

Boy you can tell just by the blog tangent I just went on that I’m excited and nervous right? So this is what we’ve established thus far: Kelly is having her baby like NOW or soon, I want to be a mother SO FREAKING BAD, EVEN MORE THAN JUST FOR THE SEX, and I’m not sure I’ll be a good aunt. I don’t know HOW to be one to a baby.

HALP!!!

I should have started worrying about this before now but I didn’t and here I am, in a pickle. So, any of you aunties out there wanna give me some advice….I’ll GLADLY take it. Anything you got.